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  • Writer's pictureJohannes Becht

Russia's 'Pimp My Tank' Program: Is It a Turtle?

Updated: Apr 23


A Russian tank covered in a metal structure that makes it look like a CyberTank from Elon Musk's Tesla. Alternatively, It also looks lite a tent or turtle.
Tank or Turtle? Did Russia secretly work with Elon Musk? Does Vladimir Putin know? We'll probably never know.


By Johannes Becht


Russia's War in Ukraine has been going on for quite some time now, and in a curious twist of modern warfare, a new 'Pimp My Ride', or should we say, 'Pimp My Tank', contender has emerged on the battlefield: the CyberTank.


Combining elements of a Tesla CyberTruck, a ninja turtle, and perhaps a tent, this latest creation from Russia's tank factories has left both military analysts and X users scratching their heads in confusion and amusement.


The image, captured by a brave and daring Ukrainian drone on reconnaissance duty, unveils a tank like no other. With a metal contraption that bears an uncanny resemblance to a CyberTruck on steroids, the CyberTank seems to be channeling the spirit of Tesla while simultaneously masquerading as a ninja turtle with a hint of tent-like structure ready for battle. One can't help but wonder if this is Russia's attempt at taking the phrase "hybrid warfare" a bit too literally.


But let's not forget Russia's illustrious history of military eccentricities. From bear-riding soldiers (and Vladimir Putin himself) to missiles with more bling than a Vegas showgirl, the CyberTank fits right in with the country's tradition of combining firepower with flamboyance. After all, why settle for a boring, conventional tank when you can roll into battle in a vehicle that looks like it's auditioning for a role in a Michael Bay film?


Indeed, as the CyberTank lumbers onto the scene, it's hard not to reminisce about Russia's previous attempts at military innovation. Who could forget the infamous "bio-armor" debacle, where soldiers were promised protection from enemy fire with suits made from questionable materials? It seems that when life gives Russia lemons, it builds tanks that resemble giant metallic lemons. Or maybe Elon Musk just decided to have Russia try his latest Tesla-modern safety glass. We will never know...


But hey, we're not alone in our confusion about Russia's (or Elon's) military innovations. After all, at Musk's very own X (formerly Twitter), lot's of users shared their amusement about Elon's, I mean, Putin's latest stunt.


User Vïctor exclaims, "Finally, it's a ninja turtle tank 🐢🐢😍😍," while ITDUDE Fella casts doubt on its origin, remarking, "It cannot be a Russian tank, since it appears to be intact."


Neal Hoffmann jokingly suggests, "I thought it was a new Tesla! Cyber truck version ...." and Mark Adam Harold playfully dubs it a "Cope Tortoise." Meanwhile, SpecialAttack quips, "Today on MTV's 'Pimp my ride'," adding a touch of humor to the CyberTank's unique design.


But the laughter doesn't stop there. FelliFelloFella suggests the CyberTank may be Russia's attempt at concealing its heritage, commenting, "New ruZZky stealth tech! They want to hide, that it is a T34! ☝️🤪💥." Little Tess describes it as a "tankie tent," and Franck O coins the term "Turtle T-100" to capture its peculiar appearance.


However, Stribog offers a more mundane explanation: "When you forget to drive out of your garage." Whether intentional design or accidental innovation, the CyberTank has certainly sparked a frenzy of speculation and amusement on social media.


As Russia continues to blur the lines between military might and meme-worthy madness, one thing is certain: the CyberTank has firmly established itself as the newest star of the digital battlefield. So, as the world marvels at this fusion of technology and absurdity, one question remains: is the CyberTank the future of armored warfare, or just a shell of its former self?



 

About the Author

Johannes Becht is a multimedia journalist, digital marketer, video producer, filmmaker/actor and photographer with 9+ years experience as multimedia journalist and 2+ years in video production and marketing. Get in touch here.


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