Pres. Biden promotes Colonel Sanders to Chief of Military
Updated: May 21, 2022
After weeks of deliberation, U.S. President Joe Biden (D) finally announced that the Chief of Military Operations position will be handed over to none other than Colonel Sanders.
Sanders, who holds 69 years of experience in fried chicken, will swear into the position
this upcoming Monday.
“After much thought and consideration from myself and my advisors, it’s been decided
that Colonel Sanders is the most desirable candidate for this role,” stated Biden in a press conference earlier this afternoon.
“Chicken is war, and drumsticks are gravy. Sweet, sweet gravy,” said Biden. “The
friedness, and the, um, the, the thing... it just all makes sense to me. He’s the man for
Although Sanders won the nomination for the role, other candidates included Aunt
Jemima (for “her playing an unequivocal role in the success of the Underground
Railroad,” as stated by Biden) and Chuck E. Cheese.
“I hear that Chuck guy is great with kids,” mentioned Biden.